I don’t have this figured out. I am still becoming…

For the past four years, I have been in my waiting season.
Not stuck
Not failing
Not succeeding
Not thriving

Just…waiting.

That sounds dark, lonely, and lets be honest, lowkey sad. However, the waiting season does not have to be any of those descriptions. It will be at some point, but not the full length. My waiting season started off very dark. There were moments where it felt heavy and confusing, but eventually there was light at the ‘end’ of my tunnel. I type end with quotes because I am still navigating this season and end sounds so finalized, yet I am only beginning.

The waiting season - I would love to say it isn’t as bad as it sounds, but I am going to be honest with you, it is truly what you make of it. The effort you put into it and the self reflection you do while in it is what shapes you.

I am still in it. Still learning. Still becoming.

Here are a few things this season has taught me so far:

• It is a season, and seasons change. YOU WILL CHANGE - I will write more about this in the next section. Hold tight.

• It takes time, and again, effort

• Your journey is about YOU & no one else. Comparison and envy will rob you of your peace and growth faster than anything.

• You will shed a version of you. The woman I was four years ago could not step into the doors that are opening now. Waiting requires dropping the weight you carry and taking a seat at the tables you are meant to sit at.

• Prayers will be endless and it will seem like God is silent. Silence does not mean absence. Even when I don’t see movement, I trust that he is guiding, shaping, and preparing me for what has yet to come.

If I am being completely transparent, the hardest part of this season has been comparison & understanding.

I am 35. Not married. No kids.
I have a stable career. A wild and overly attached fur child.
A beautiful life I am grateful for in many ways.

But I don’t want to be known as just a career driven woman. My deepest desire is to be a wife. To build a family. To create a home filled with love, faith, laughter, and stability.

I watch my friends get engaged, married, announce pregnancies. I celebrate with them wholeheartedly, but then the quiet question creeps in: when will it be my turn? That question has stretched me more than anything else. Remember, waiting isn’t punishment - it is preparation. This gap between prayers & fulfillment is where I am being built into the woman who can sustain what she is praying for.

If you are in your waiting season too, whatever you are waiting for, I hope this space reminds you of two things:

1. You are not behind

2. You are being built

   Welcome to Grace in the Gap