Windows Down, Heart Open
You know the moment you pull into your driveway, shut off the engine, and just sit…
Your day is coming to an end, your mind is racing, and then all of a sudden it just stops.
You feel the pressure and weight of whatever is holding you back, deep in your chest.
Some days it is pure silence and just needing to take in that simple moment. And other days, you just break.
My car has seen more of me than most people ever will. It is where I learned to be honest with God - no hold backs.
It is where I prayed with a heavy heart
It is where I whispered ‘Thank You'
It is where I questioned everything
It is where I asked, ‘Do You even hear me?’
Panic attacks
Tears streaming down my cheeks
Hands pounding the steering wheel
Screaming because I thought the louder I was, God would pay more attention
Begging for guidance, a sign, for relief.
Even with slightly tinted windows, I felt hidden. Protected. Like no one could see the unraveling that was happening inside the vehicle. But God did.
Grief - it comes in waves and will hit you like a ten-pound truck going 100 miles down the highway
Healing - it is not linear. You will have highs and you will have lows.
Faith - isn’t always polished.
Prayer - isn’t always pretty.
Some days you will want to thank God and other days you want to scream at Him and ask Him why His silence is so loud.
Some days you will feel carried and other days you will feel forgotten.
Sitting in that driver’s seat - raw & unfiltered. I think thats what He prefers.
Not the pretty, structured prayers I say at the dinner table.
Not the calm, collected version of myself in public.
Not the girl who claims she is ‘good’, while wearing a fake smile.
Just the messy middle.
Here is what I have learned:
God isn’t intimidated by your yelling
He isn’t offended by your questions
He isn’t shocked by your grief
He would rather have your raw heart than your rehearsed words
No matter where you sit, or how often you have moments where you break…just remember, you are human.
If you have a space where you feel protected and hidden, where is it?
'“Pour your heart to Him, for God is our refuge” (Psalms 62:8).
Windows Down. Heart Open. Still Becoming.
Grace in the Gap
